Last entry into diary

Litzmannstadt Getto 12 IV 1944
Oh, the weather is so beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! Oh, I’m so happy, it’s such a great comfort … Yesterday Prywa and I went to see Zemlówna. It’s not clear yet, but I hope that everything will be taken care of, if possible. It’s almost a month since the exams. Not only don’t we work on producing anything, but we come as we please, we go as we please and we take care of our private affairs as we please. Freedom, paradise. Oh, it would be great if it lasted longer (at least through the holidays). But who knows? These are workshop matters and there’s no time to debate them now (I just don’t want to work with the machines in the summer). 

Last night I was walking home. After we saw Zemlówna, Prywka and I visited Fela Działowska. We registered for the courses and decided to join the library. It will be better than the literature club. I think Bala will help us. I’d like it to work! Because of this, when I was walking home I realized how beautiful youth was. If I only had a piece of paper, I’d have written something. Later, I recalled the “Ode to Youth” and it happened that I had this very volume of Mickiewicz with me. At moments like this I want to live so much. There is less sadness, but we’re more aware of our miserable circumstances, our souls are sad and … really one needs a lot of strength in order not to give up. We look at this wonderful world, this beautiful spring, and at the same time we see ourselves in the ghetto deprived of everything, we’re deprived of everything, we don’t have the smallest joy, because, unfortunately, we’re machines with well developed animal instincts. They’re visible everywhere (mostly during the meals). It all affects us so much that we become duller and duller. Looking at us one can see how much effort we need to create a better daily life, in which … 

Why shall I even write about it? I want it, I want it so much. When I realize that we’re deprived of everything, that we’re slaves, I try to put off this thought in order not to spoil this joyful little moment. How hard it is! Oh, God, how much longer? I think that only when we are liberated we will enjoy a real spring. Oh, I miss this dear Spring … First, Ms. Hania (from the office) informed us that those born in 1926/27 could work for 10 hours and have Lang. But they would need a document from the Registration Department stating their dates of birth. I’m afraid nobody will apply. For now, I’m glad about this turn of events, because I was born in 1927, but actually …